Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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