From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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