I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
