As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
