My liver just broke up with me...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
