New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
