i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize