Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
