come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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