i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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