'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
