You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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