Someone shit on the floor
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I will be naked everywhere
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
