i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
