some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
