I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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