I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize