i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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