The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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