He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
