Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
