You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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