mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That's intense
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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