Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
