I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This house was built for laser tag.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
