We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
