He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
