I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Randomize
