He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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