you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
