So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
