you didnt know i had herpes?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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