lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
