I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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