dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
