Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
