Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
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I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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