she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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