So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
