can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize