I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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