So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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