my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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