If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
