party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
