The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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