You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
