His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Who died my cat blue again?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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