good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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