I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
