my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
