Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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