i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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