Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
