The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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