first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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