If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
