HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
