I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
