Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
