I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
