Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
