can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I smell like Dick and happiness
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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