The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
