I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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