Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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