I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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