We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
