you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize