You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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