i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
