I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
