I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS