Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.