Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy