why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
