I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
