Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
