I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
