get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
