Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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