I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
