I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
