Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
