i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
