Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
