Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
