so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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