i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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