No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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