I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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