I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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