OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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