I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
